Daves hair pregnant?

August 28, 2008

I know it’s been a while since I gave an update on Dave’s hair, and I do apologise! Dave’s hair has been very busy this past week. It has been spending a lot of time with the female colleague who sits opposite me since telling the world they were in a relationship. Dave’s hair has been wining and dining as only a true gent would, and seems to have put on a lot of weight. But then, Dave’s hair has always had quite an appetite and yet never put on an ounce of weight. Why then has Daves hair now started to put on weight? Could it be that Daves hair, far from being a gent, is actually a lass? Is it possible that Dave’s hair is pregnant?! I’ll be keeping my eye out for tell tale signs, such as cravings for strange foods and morning sickness…

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Daves Hair update 21st August

August 21, 2008

It has been confirmed today that a colleague is indeed dating Dave’s hair. She confessed that she had always had a thing about Dave’s hair and finally taken the plunge and gone on a date with it…

Before their date Daves hair took a trip to the local barber to neaten himself up. Which readers, explains why his hair appeared not to grow the other day…it had grown, but then been trimmed again!

Dave’s hair and this fellow female colleague of mine decided to go to McDonalds on their date. Daves hair being the gent that it is paid for it all. After they had both had their fill of McD’s goodness (or should that be badness?!), Daves hair took the female colleague of mine to the park to watch the stars. They spent the rest of the evening star gazing whilst she fondled his blonde locks.

I for one am happy for them, this female colleague of mine and Dave’s hair make a great couple!

Daves hair news update 19th August

August 19, 2008

After a few beers down the local, Dave’s hair let slip that it is having a relationship with someone in the office! Who can this mystery lover of Daves hair be???

My money is on the person who sits opposite me at work… I’ve often seen her discretely check out Daves hair when she thinks it’s not looking. But then to be fair she does that to Nick as well! She has arranged to meet Daves hair early tomorrow morning. I’ll be on the look out to see if Dave’s hair looks particularly ruffled, and if there are any stray blonde hairs on the back seat of her car.

Anyway readers, I’ll keep you posted on who I think Dave’s hair is seeing!

In the meanwhile, there has been no growth in Dave’s hair today. Perhaps because of the few beers it drank, it stunted its growth temporaily, or perhaps someone secretly snipped a bit off in the night – who knows! Dave’s hair doesn’t seem bothered by the lack of overnight growth though – so much so that for once it isn’t wearing its beanie!

Daves Hair Update Monday 17th August

August 18, 2008

Unlike last week when Daves hair was compared to a labradoodle by a wannabe Daves hair website, today Daves hair seems quite jolly! It had a good weekend (plenty of action with the ladies no doubt!), and was treated a wash with “Herbal essences”. Whether this is a brand of shampoo, or an illegal activity, only Daves hair knows! One suspects it is an illegal activity, based on the facts that Dave’s hair seems to be wearing a hat today (so people can’t see if it has red eyes!).

More on Daves hair again tomorrow!

Dave’s Hair Update

August 17, 2008

Daves hair has now grown to be 38cm long! Wow Dave, your hair really is growing fast! More about Daves hair tomorrow.

Other Dave’s Hair Videos

August 17, 2008

This daves hair video isn’t really that exciting!

This one isn’t really that exciting either.

Why exactly did I put these videos on here again?! Oh yes, for the sake of showing that other Daves have hair cuts… this Dave doesn’t. Daves hair can not be cut..his hair is like supermans now, and ordinary scissors or hair cutters.

Daves hair Limerick!

August 16, 2008
Daves hair's great great grandad

Daves hair's great great grandad

A canny young fisher called dave fisher

Once fished from the edge of a fissure

A fish with a grain

Pulled the fisherman in

Now they’re fishing the fissure for Dave Fisher!

Daves hair wannabes

August 15, 2008

This wannabe’s hair lacks the personality of Dave’s hair. Dave’s hair has a very bubbly personality, and is very generous! Dave’s hair has been known to buy more than one round of drinks at the pub, and often throws in a few bags of crisps as well. Daves hair once bought everyone champagne.

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This wannabe’s hair is far too gay. Daves hair is a fan of the ladies and whilst not not homophobic, men just aren’t his thing.

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This wannabe’s hair isn’t that different to Dave’s hair. It’s not quite as classy though. Daves hair is in a class of its own…

Facts about Daves Hair

August 15, 2008
  • Dave’s hair is currently 37cm long
  • Daves hair is blonde
  • Daves hair also goes by the name Nigel
  • Daves hair is a party animal!
  • Dave’s hair likes hats
  • Daves hair doesn’t like being cut!
  • Daves hair is looking forward to being washed by the hands of a scantily clad lady 🙂

Dave’s Hair Facts!

August 15, 2008

Some interesting facts about Dave’s Hair:

  • In fine print on the last page of the Guinness Book of World Records it notes that all world records are held by Daves hair, and those listed in the book are simply the closest anyone else has ever gotten.
  • The Great Wall of China was originally created to keep Daves hair out. It failed miserably.
  • Daves hair does not need to use spell check. If he happens to misspell a word, Oxford changes its actual spelling.
  • The Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse actually live in Daves hair’s ballsack.
  • Daves hair can sneeze with his eyes open
  • Daves hair kicked Neo out of Zion , now Neo is “The Two”
  • If you have five pounds and Daves hair has five pounds, Daves hair has more money than you
  • Daves hair doesnt sleep. He waits.
  • When Daves hair had surgery, the anesthesia was applied to the doctors.
  • Daves hair can touch MC Hammer.
  • Jesus can walk on water, but Daves hair can swim through dry land.
  • Daves hair ordered a Big Mac at Burger King and got one.
  • Daves hair frequently donates blood to the Red Cross. Just never his own.
  • Dave’s hair has already been to Mars. That’s why there are no signs of life there.
  • Daves hair drinks napalm to quell its heartburn.

Dave’s Hair Grows and Grows

August 14, 2008

After having a chilly time at uni and a rough time with the chicks (that rough time with the chicks, not time with rough chicks!), Dave decided to grow his hair. So Dave left his hair and didn’t so much as trim it, and surprise surpise Daves hair grew and grew and grew. It got so long Dave decided to dig the beanies out of the closet and use them as a means to tame his hair.

As his hair grew it developed its own personality. Many a day Dave’s hair would wake him up in the morning by whipping him across the face, and reluctantly Dave would say “Morning hair, I wish you wouldn’t do that to me. At least morning wood doesn’t hurt me like that!”. After that Dave would sigh, as his hair never seemed to talk back to him.

Eventually Daves hair grew to such length that he didn’t need to wear clothes any more. Dave however, had grown out of walking around naked, and chose to continue wearing his clothes.

That’s the story about Daves hair so far. Tune in soon for up to the minute stats on how long Dave’s hair has grown to!!

Daves Hair the wonder years

August 13, 2008

After getting confused between which head he needed to have hair on in his youth Dave went off to Uni. At uni Dave let his hair down (oh the pun..), and became quite a party animal. Tired of having to get up and do his hair every day Dave decided to remove it. He borrowed a set of hair cutters and set about removing his hair with some vigour. Dave’s hair tumbled off his head and onto the floor in no time. By the time Dave had finished doing his head he was quite pleased with himself “Oh yer that will save me some time in the mornings, and I’ve heard chicks love slap heads!”.

So Dave spent little time doing his hair every morning and continued to keep his hair short for the whole time he was at uni. Dave spent many a winters morning with a chilly head. Eventually he invested in a beanie which kept the wind out.

By the time Dave finished uni he had discovered that being a slap head was both chilly, and repelling to chicks. Time for a change Dave thought…

Dave's hair in the wonder years

Dave

The beginning of Daves Hair growing obsession

August 13, 2008

In the beginning Dave had no hair, and low and behold Daves head felt cold. Dave scratched his bald head a bit and thought “Why does my head feel cold?”. Dave looked around and saw many other people with hair and thought “Hmm I wonder..if I were to grow my hair, would my head feel less cold?”.

Dave set about looking for hair growth products on the internet. Dave found a product called “Hair of the Dog” that promised to do the job of growing Dave’s hair. Dave tried this product that consisted of 4 cans of a nice tasting substance. Dave felt quite good after consuming the product… he looked in the mirror and thought “Damn I’m sexy, women must love me! I think they’ll love me even more now my hair is growing”. so Dave consumed some more of the product and looked in the mirror again and thought “I’m sure my hair is growing now…”. Then Dave consumed some more of the product and more again until he passed out. The next day Dave woke up with a hangover and looked in the mirror…”Doh…it did nothing to help me grow my hair”. Dave’s hair hand’t grown at all… the product he had tried hadn’t lived up to its promise.

So next Dave tried another product… this special product called “GrowMeHair” consisted of a cream for Dave to put on his head. Dave put it on his head 3 times daily as required for a month. This seemed to do nothing, as Daves Hair did not grow at all.

By this point Dave was perplexed.. he couldn’t understand why these products wouldn’t help him grow his hair. Dave tried many more products and none of them worked. Dave thought he would spend the rest of his life with no hair on his head, and would forever feel cold.

Many months later Dave went out for a walk in the park. As per usual everyone pointed at him and sniggered. The trouble he had for walking around his a hairless head he thought…By the time he had walked to the otherside of the park the usual had happened and the police were chasing him. Dave jumped into a bush. Peering through the leaves of the bush he saw a policeman stumble. As the policeman stumbled his wig fell off. This gave Dave an idea…”Why don’t I put a wig on, that will keep me warm!”

Later that day Dave went to a wig shop and asked to see a selection of wigs. The clerk brought out a selection of wigs for him to try. Dave tried a long blonde wig on… the clerk looked at him in shock “Sir.. these wigs are meant for your head, not your genitals”. Dave replied “I know, but I thought if I put one on my head it wouldn’t feel as cold any more”. The clerk laughed, “Surely wearing clothes would solve that problem sir!”. Dave felt like an idiot… he thought he’d needed hair on his head all along, but after all that he could have solved his problem so simply!